Sorry for the seriously jiwang post.

my raging teenage hormones are kicking in again. shit.
plus my dad is traveling and i get worried sick every time the word - 'plane' and 'flying' is involved.

i am a worry wart XS
and all this worrying makes me think... too much - again.

so bare with me while i try to distract my own mind from worrying too much T__T

I dunno why,
but this subject has been popping up quiet frequently recently.

it's about Girls - and love.

seems to me that girls now-a-days are getting brave and forward.
in some ways it's a good thing, i think.

girls now are brave enough to chase, and confess to boys.
which is something - totally the OPPOSITE of what my mum has taught me for as long as i can remember :S

to me, thats like skydiving, with your helmet put on backwards - you'll look Silly, and not to mention Risky. VERY RISKY.

i have a lot of guy friends, and i often talked to them about this particular subject
*which mind you, i'm totally a noob in*

and one good friend of mine once told me,
"When a girls confesses her feelings - is just like the forbidden fruit. Its hard to say NO. it doesn't matter if i have feelings for her or not. It's hard for boys to resist it."

It bugged me.
does this mean you'll accept any girl that confesses to you? even if you dun have any feelings for her? it's like a relationship based on a lie!

then Another friend then told me his experience,
"i didnt know my friend liked me back then, if only she would have told me... i would have liked her back."

It bugged me - again.
c'mon la, takkan only when the girl tells you then you'll like her? it's like your forcing yourself to like her.

and then another told me,
"She was so nice to me, i cant just reject her and crush her.... jaga hati bah Yen, kesian later."


IT BUGGED ME BUGGIER- BIGGER-BUGGED ME BIG BIGGER THIS TIME.
wat the f- pff hergh omg oh no u didn- what!?



i dunno, maybe it's because of how i was raised,
maybe thats why i take these things like how a baby reacts the first time it poops - confused, agitated and then slightly relived near the end, and then cries.

i mean, a relationship based on sympathy?

i didnt know what to make of it, and was a lil' bit disturbed.

Then later on i found out that it is usually the girls who confesses first, then in the end
they are also the ones who ends it.

most of the time leaving the guys behind sobbing like an elderly woman watching mohabattein.


IT BUGGED ME EVEN MORE.

even in my Kampung they take boyfriends and girlfriends like T-shirt.
One time A was with B, then A will be with C, and so on and so forth.
what's even creepier is that how a group of girls will sit down and 'evaluate' the boys they've dated.

"Owh you're with him now? you know last time when i was with him, he'd....."


"Owh ya i totally agree with you, even when dating me also he was like..."

c'mon la girls =_=""
you think they are toys ha?

seriously, who do you think is playing who?
i mean, they have nothing to lose what.
sapa rugi sebenarnya?
and yet they gave you so much love,
and you just dump them?

GAIII

I vow to myself to never be that way.

To me,

Loving someone is not about being loyal to him/her,

it's about being loyal to your feelings.

what? you think you'd be his girlfriend just cause he looks cute or cause he's funny?
loving someone is to love someone not only at their best, but their worse as well.

and to me, a girl should love,
and
loving someone is especially not about confessing,
It's definitely not about being known,
or being loved back.

"To love someone for the sake of being loved is human,
but to love for the sake of loving is angelic"
-Alphonse de Lamartine.

And if you are loved back,
then, and only then,
you've received the greatest gift of all.

but most of all,
love is about discovering your lost piece.

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haiz... just rants on what i think a girl should act, and love like...
i hope i didnt bore any of you too much.

for now i'll just keep trying to shake of this feeling.
i hate worrying.
i hate missing.
i hate it that my laptop died cause of stupid trojan!!!
and most of all i hate it that i have no control over it!!


WARGGHHHH


DAD!! COME HOME SAFELY!!!