my Lucky Fortune Cookie X3

Hidden Feelings.- and a super long jiwang rant.

Hidden Feelings

by Meagan E.Eppley







She's all confused and all mixed up

why does

she feels this way?

All she knows is when

she's with him, she's free

free to be who she is

and to be happy




but she'll never be able to express her love

she'll shelter it in her heart for always



Sorry for the seriously jiwang post.

my raging teenage hormones are kicking in again. shit.
plus my dad is traveling and i get worried sick every time the word - 'plane' and 'flying' is involved.

i am a worry wart XS
and all this worrying makes me think... too much - again.

so bare with me while i try to distract my own mind from worrying too much T__T

I dunno why,
but this subject has been popping up quiet frequently recently.

it's about Girls - and love.

seems to me that girls now-a-days are getting brave and forward.
in some ways it's a good thing, i think.

girls now are brave enough to chase, and confess to boys.
which is something - totally the OPPOSITE of what my mum has taught me for as long as i can remember :S

to me, thats like skydiving, with your helmet put on backwards - you'll look Silly, and not to mention Risky. VERY RISKY.

i have a lot of guy friends, and i often talked to them about this particular subject
*which mind you, i'm totally a noob in*

and one good friend of mine once told me,
"When a girls confesses her feelings - is just like the forbidden fruit. Its hard to say NO. it doesn't matter if i have feelings for her or not. It's hard for boys to resist it."

It bugged me.
does this mean you'll accept any girl that confesses to you? even if you dun have any feelings for her? it's like a relationship based on a lie!

then Another friend then told me his experience,
"i didnt know my friend liked me back then, if only she would have told me... i would have liked her back."

It bugged me - again.
c'mon la, takkan only when the girl tells you then you'll like her? it's like your forcing yourself to like her.

and then another told me,
"She was so nice to me, i cant just reject her and crush her.... jaga hati bah Yen, kesian later."

wat the f- pff hergh omg oh no u didn- what!?

i dunno, maybe it's because of how i was raised,
maybe thats why i take these things like how a baby reacts the first time it poops - confused, agitated and then slightly relived near the end, and then cries.

i mean, a relationship based on sympathy?

i didnt know what to make of it, and was a lil' bit disturbed.

Then later on i found out that it is usually the girls who confesses first, then in the end
they are also the ones who ends it.

most of the time leaving the guys behind sobbing like an elderly woman watching mohabattein.


even in my Kampung they take boyfriends and girlfriends like T-shirt.
One time A was with B, then A will be with C, and so on and so forth.
what's even creepier is that how a group of girls will sit down and 'evaluate' the boys they've dated.

"Owh you're with him now? you know last time when i was with him, he'd....."

"Owh ya i totally agree with you, even when dating me also he was like..."

c'mon la girls =_=""
you think they are toys ha?

seriously, who do you think is playing who?
i mean, they have nothing to lose what.
sapa rugi sebenarnya?
and yet they gave you so much love,
and you just dump them?


I vow to myself to never be that way.

To me,

Loving someone is not about being loyal to him/her,

it's about being loyal to your feelings.

what? you think you'd be his girlfriend just cause he looks cute or cause he's funny?
loving someone is to love someone not only at their best, but their worse as well.

and to me, a girl should love,
loving someone is especially not about confessing,
It's definitely not about being known,
or being loved back.

"To love someone for the sake of being loved is human,
but to love for the sake of loving is angelic"
-Alphonse de Lamartine.

And if you are loved back,
then, and only then,
you've received the greatest gift of all.

but most of all,
love is about discovering your lost piece.


haiz... just rants on what i think a girl should act, and love like...
i hope i didnt bore any of you too much.

for now i'll just keep trying to shake of this feeling.
i hate worrying.
i hate missing.
i hate it that my laptop died cause of stupid trojan!!!
and most of all i hate it that i have no control over it!!




a z i e said...

love is the only thing we have closest to magic. i guess in a way u can say its a gift. a gift that will always be surprising and unpredictable. its special and smthg u have to cherish always.

well, u cant really argue with young teenagers like u said just now who treat guys like toys. some ppl do that when they're younger and u know, not yet fully mature.but when they are older, they'll understand that playing with ppl's heart is not a game.

relationship that is based on pitty is of course, totally absurd and unacceptable.its a big NO NO~

and one thing u said about a guy falling in love only bcoz the girl just confess to him, hmm well i do find its weird but the guy can always try u know.he may not have the feeling at the moment she confess but feelings can grow.

there wouldn't be any plant if there is no seed. and the plant wouldn't grow unless u cherish it =)

Yen_Yume said...


but then susahlah the girls who can't confess their feelings.

some girls are just not brave enough,
maybe too shy,
too scared,
too naive,

kinda unfair for those kinda girl.
but when was the world ever fair?


a z i e said...

shy,scared, naive...
that depends on urself.
if u believe its the right thing to do, go for it.
u never know what u gonna miss out on if u dont.right?
life is an adventure and it just wait there anxiously for u to discover it out. if things turns out to be unlike u wanted, then its OK. its life, that is how things suppose to be. bad things, good things, everything can happen. u never know...u know? hehe

life is short. make use every second of it =)


Yen_Yume said...

lol i've got lots to learn apparently.

darn i wish all the lovers out there luck man XD. lots and lots of luck to them haha

life is short, so i'm gonna live it to the fullest :)


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